Once Upon a Time, Shit Hit the Fan......

Once upon a time (time being about this same time last year) shit (shit being my life, emotional state, my sanity in general) hit the fan. SPLAT. A series of events happened that rocked my world in a way I DID NOT want or expect it to be rocked. 

After many tears, vicious attacks on the punching bag, and about three months consuming more booze than age appropriate, I said to myself “I need to get the fuck out of here”. So I did. And “the fuck out of here” happened to be Africa. I left with the mission to run away. I came back knowing I don’t have to. 

Many have asked what I learned while I was away, and its taken me up until just about now to fully digest everything. Im still unraveling the tangled up web of knowledge and self-realizations I accumulated over my three months away. This whole past year has been a HUGE learning process. A painful, joyful, courageous (but sometimes stupid), life changing learning process. And with gratitude, I can look back on it now with a smile.

Here are some thoughts on what I have learned, and continue to learn, happily ever after......

1.Faith- Faith in God, Faith in others, Faith in myself, Faith in Possibility. 

In my last 72 hours in Africa I had all of my shower belongings stolen, luggage lost, and debit card eaten the morning I was to fly out of Cape Town. I had no phone and no cash to get to the air port. I had two options- flip shit and cry hysterically, or let go and give it up to God. I chose option one for about 5 minutes, but then realized that really wasn't worth my time, energy, or strange looks from people passing on the street. SO I took a few deep breaths, pulled myself together, and said a little (er...Really BIG) prayer. And low and behold, it worked. One Facebook message to fellow Charlestonians I had met along the way in my travels (shout out to the Grava Brothers) and not only did I have a ride to the airport, but also a yoga class and a kick ass pre-flight dinner at Haout Bay market. 

I got on that plane down to baby wipes and dry shampoo and dirtier than ever, but undoubtedly with more faith then ever.  There were countless moments on my trip where I felt stronger and closer to God. When you give up struggle and open up to trust and possibility is when the sweetness of life can happen. Give up the fight, surrender it up to Faith, and trust anything is possible.  

2. Serenity - its better than insanity  

As Albert Einstein so wisely defined: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” So the whole “If you ignore and stuff down your problems and feelings they go away” thing doesn't actually work. It makes you crazy. For me, each time I experienced something I didn't like, I would often try to ignore it- pretend it didn't happen, with the expectation I would no longer have to feel hurt or pain. Heads up, it did happen. And was going to face it eventually. No matter where I tried to hide from it, it comes came with me. 

We all have a little insanity in us- an addiction, a bad relationship, negative self- sabotaging thoughts, jobs we hate, bad habits. The trick is to balance in its opposite: serenity- Changing what you can and ACCEPTING what you cant. Sounds simple, and essentially it is. its the resistance (punching, kicking, fighting, epic battle) to get to the point of surrender thats the bitch. But as I have learned, and not the easy way, serenity is a much better place to be. 

3.Courage- to be both brave, and humble. 

I found my self seeking out adrenaline rushing adventure in countless ways in Africa- most of that was not courageous, just stupid. 

Courage came into play when both my feet were on the ground, not in a cage with sharks, or flipping off a raft into the Zambezi rapids. Courage was when I had to say good bye to my kiddos at the nursery, ACJ, and the orphanage. It was when I smile through my tears and say “See you Monday” even though I wouldn't. Courage to let people see me at my most vulnerable. Courage to have last nights dinner come out both ends and cry all at the same time. And humble enough to laugh about it later.   It came dead exhausted at the end of the day wanting nothing more than my bed and shower at home, but appreciating my pillow-less sleeping bag instead. Courage to own my mistakes. Humble to embrace my flaws and imperfections. 

Mary Anne Radmacher said it best: “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”

4.Confidence

Had I traveled without confidence, I would not have made it past my layover in Amsterdam. I had traveled by myself before, but never to this extent. I had some confidence in my abilities, but throughout my time gained a WHOLE lot more. At the end of my travels along the garden route, gearing up to meet up with my overland trip, I realized I needed my yellow fever shot to get back into South Africa to fly home. And I didn’t have it. Oops? Oh, and I had 3 hours to get one before my flight to Johannesburg. Even bigger oops. After stopping at 3 different doctors offices and being turned away, I thought I was toast. Stuck in Zambia forever toast. But I didn't give up. I hopped in a cab, navigated the driver to the English speaking hospital I googled, walked in, got my shot, and then politely asked the driver to haul ass to the airport. 

Traveling solo you can only rely on yourself. It is a true test of how you can operate as an individual and brings out what you are truly capable of. For that reason alone, I encourage every one to do it. Blow your own damn mind, and make yourself proud. I sure did. 

and MOST importantly......

5. Everything will be OK in the end. And if its not OK, its not the end.

No matter how many times or how much shit hits the fan, there will some way, some how, be a happily ever after. 

Love,

Chels

New Intentions

New year means New beginnings, New journeys, New goals, New intentions, and probably a New gym membership. Shit, thats a lot of new. New years is such a powerful time to reflect on last year and look forward to the possibilities of the next. Hope, promise, ambiguity, fear, curiosity, and excitement all bundled up into two days.

Since I have been home, the second question people ask me after "how was your trip?"is "What are you going to do next?". At this very moment, I don't have the answer to that question. While part of me struggles with that and wishes that I did, I hold strong in knowing the answer to "what is NOW". What is "now" is that I am home safely after nothing short of an eventful last 5 days in Africa, happy to be clean, still waiting to hear from schools, and pursuing other challenges as I wait. I will head into 2013 with some intentions to live NOW, that will guide me to what is NEXT when the time is right. 

here are my 13 Intentions for 2013:

1. Live in a place of Love, but it's ok to have a meaningful conversation with your bullshit when necessary. 

2. Stay honest and authentic in your intentions, actions, beliefs, and goals. Come back to your true aim when you stray. 

3. Give thanks every day.

4. Pray often. And Listen. Continue this journey walking with God. 

5. Live in possibility and in the present. You can create anything if you believe in possibility. Create something Powerful. 

6. Be open to the outcomes.

7. Celebrate and love yourself unconditionally. Your going to screw up, and its going to be ok.  When judgement and negativity creep in, feel what you need to, re-evaluate, and then let it go.

8. Never stop exploring. Stay curious about yourself, the world, and what you can cultivate together.

9. Embrace challenges, and make them your masterpiece. 

10. Blow your own damn mind every once and while! Get uncomfortable, shake shit up, scare yourself, and see what happens.

11. Appreciate both the little and big things. Just because its small, doesn't mean its not important. 

12. Keep an open heart, an open mind, and open eyes.

13. Breathe, and be YOU. 

As you head into 2013, take what you need from last year- some lessons and humility, and let what you don't need stay. Be fearless and let the journey unfold. 

xoxoxoxoxo

chels

Joy. Peace. Hope. Flour. Eggs. Sugar.

And no, I haven't had too much egg nog, all six of these things are related. In a Chelsea kind of way.

I was hesitant to write this post, as truth be told, I am usually a Christmas hater. For many years I saw Christmas as church turned into a zoo, bat shit crazy holiday shoppers and drivers, bullshit wrapped in bows, a day of multiple family melt downs, and chocolate and cookies in excess (that part I was OK with). I would grit a smile, push through, and be so relieved when December 26th finally arrived. Pretty Grinch-eriffic right?

Thankfully, this Christmas, things shifted. A beyond amazing mother and sister, a killer Christmas Eve sermon, and with some other game changers thrown in there helped shed a light that was brighter than my usual Grinch-ish 'tude. This shift of perspective took me back to the true spirit and gifts of Christmas: Joy, Peace, and Hope.

Often at Christmas time, some are overcome with joy and merriment, others find themselves overwhelmed with sadness and an unpleasant feeling of unsettlement (guilty). Its a time of year that can serve as a reminder of all the incredible gifts and blessings you received throughout the year (joy, peace hope). Or the opposite; a reminder of all the shit that broke, cracked, and fell apart. This is where the flour, eggs, and sugar come in.

In the message at church last night, the preacher compared "life" to "Sugar Cookies". Stick with me. We have all of these "events", or "ingredients", that come together to eventually make us whole. On their own the ingredients that make up sugar cookies are pretty gross. I don't know about you, but I've never really had the urge to sit down and eat a bag of plain flour or a bowl of baking soda with a side of raw egg. And so it is with our lives, sometimes, events on their own suck. Shit happens, its not what you wanted, what you asked for, and you don't know why it happened to you. This time of year, its easy to get caught up in this part, and let the negativity of it all dominate your focus (also guilty). But then, there are sweet spots here and there (sugar and butter- which are good on their own but I don't suggest eating them solo all too often). While shiny, bright, and yummy, in our human minds can easily push these into the shadows. But then we stir things up, mix the good and the bad together, bake at 350 for 12 minutes (or maybe a year), let things cool, and the outcome is usually pretty delicious.

So, my purpose here is, to share my shift in focus experience this Christmas, and if you are feeling Grinch green, to help you shift too. You have probably already unwrapped at the presents under the tree, but your gifts aren't finished. I encourage you to take a minute today and throughout the rest of this holiday season leading up to new years, and go beyond the physical and material to reflect on the true Christmas gifts of joy, peace, and hope you encountered this year. No matter what ingredients you were handed, how much of a mess your cookie dough batter was, or how hot your oven got- they were present. Who and what brought you joy? How did you bring others joy? When did you feel peace? Where did you find hope and who found hope in you?

Bet you have a lot more presents now.

And if your still feeling blue, watch this video. If kids with New Zealand accents in adorable home made costumes and glow sticks cant make you snap out of it, somethings not right.

A Christmas Story- St. Paul's Style


Happy Happy Merry Merry Christmas to All!

Love,
Chelsea

"... And Grace will lead me home"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KofP8dpADwM&feature=youtube_gdata_player


When I left home I was one pissed off little girl. I felt resentment towards both myself and others, and had lost sight of the light and joy that lies within. I admit (ugh here it comes, I'm being so honest right now) a major motive for this trip was to get away. I tried very hard to convince myself otherwise, but the truth is I felt anger and sadness within me that I wanted to run away from as fast as I could in the opposite direction ( Opposite hemisphere and 7,000 miles away looked like a good spot).

But the funny thing about tying to run away is, it dosent really work. You can run away from things physically, but your emotions and true feelings come right along with you.

But here I am 9 weeks and many many adventures later, I'm no longer running away. I am home.

I've let myself feel the pain and anger that I needed to, and from that has come an incredible, abundant, explosive, feeling of joy and love once again. I feel at home again with myself and with my heart.

My favorite verse from my favorite hymn goes like this:

"Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come; 'Tis GRACE that brought be safe thus far and GRACE will lead me home"

Grace has led me back home even in opposite hemispheres and 7,000 miles away.

While many people have told me I am out changing the world, the world is actually changing me.


Xoxoxoox

Birthday Blessings

Today, November 22nd is my own personal new years. I get to say farewell to 23 and welcome in 24. It amazes me how time flies and this past year seems to have passed in the blink of an eye.

Ive spent the past few days traveling by myself down the beautiful Garden Route in South Africa and in so had the chance to do some reflecting on this past year, and what a year it has been. With Thanksgiving in mind and reflecting in gratitude, I've come up with countless blessings I have been graced with this year. And while i could list on and on, I will share 23 of them with you to stay in the birthday spirit theme.


This year I have been blessed with :

1. First and foremost, my family- and a new appreciation for the strength, struggles, support, and love that weaves us all together. My family has grown together this year in ways that I never could have imagined. And while the process may not have always been pretty or easy, it has yielded stronger new relationships through grace and love for each other.

2. TWO ridiculously great rescue dogs- Max and Putter.

3. Old friendships with new meanings. Saying I have incredible friends would be an injustice and understatement- I cannot express in words how truly amazing you people are! Many of us went through some serious life changing things this year, everything from heartbreaking to overjoying things. Through all we have found courage, strength, hope, and more love than ever within each other.

4. Easter with the Sewards, my second family. Some of my most favorite people in the world, and they have a kick ass Easter bunny.

5. Watching two of my best friends get married. Macon got hitched!

6. Monday mornings at Mitchell Elementary school with my Yoga Kidz.

7. Being in love.

8. Having my best friends all under one roof for an entire weekend. And along with that came 3 days of laughing so hard my stomach hurt.

9. Ringing in the new year on the beach with friends and loads of sparklers.

10. A day biking on Kiawah island with my mom, finding undiscovered beaches that go on forever.

11. ALOT of meals from the Whole Foods hot bar, and a great friend Arend there

12. Vegas.....ok, maybe that's not a "blessing" but it sure as hell was fun.

13. Two days with my dad, who I hadent seen in a year and a half.

14. Working with the Green Heart Project- spending time with my favorite kids and learning a thing or two about plants.

15. 8 weeks in Nomzamo township with incredible people, children, and love. One of the hardest goodbyes I've had to say, but how fortunate I had the chance to say hello.

16. Christmas Day with Zak. Nothing screams "happy birthday Jesus" like a cheesy Tom Cruise flick and red curry.

17. A birthday serenade at 12:00 from a group of strangers turned friends.

18. Happiness, and a smile to show it.

19. Traveling through South Africa. Both solo and with strangers turned friends. An experience like nothing before, and unique to anything to come.

20. An afternoon in Amsterdam. short time- big learning.

21. An open heart to see and feel with.

22. A completely by chance run in with familiar face in a random hostel 7,000 miles away from home... And getting to celebrate my birthday and Thanksgiving with them!

23. Insight into a new culture. It is
the spirit of ubuntu that lives and thrives in South Africa, in particular the Xhosa culture, the culture that Nelson Mandela is from and the one I will have been able to experience for 3 months. 'Ubuntu' is the spirit of giving, of caring.. it means 'I am who I am because of who we all are'

Annnnnnnd one for good luck

24.TIME. Another year of life, what a gift. An opprotunity to continue to live BIG and make every day my masterpiece.


Sending SO much love to you all today and always!

In gratitude,
Chels

What is REAL?

"What is REAL?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day... "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.

"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.

-the Velveteen Rabbit


I am lucky to have a lot of very real people in my life. I too have found myself balding and shabby, and losing an eyeball every now and then.

Since I have been in Africa, shit has been "real". I've seen, experienced, and felt things that have made me keenly aware of the "real-ness" within both myself and others.

Here is a collection of my thoughts on a few things that make us, and have made me REAL:

~Having to say goodbye before your ready.

Can be to a person, a place, a habit, a part of your life. No matter what- it's hard.

Today was my last day on project. I don't think that I will ever be ready to say goodbye to the incredible children I have met and worked with along m journey in Nomzamo. Tears streamed down my face (and they are now) as I tried to explain to the nursery kids that I would not be back on Monday because I had to go on an airplane. After giving them a smooch on the forehead and a hug, all 53 waved goodbye.
Like with all goodbyes, it may mean that you never meet again in this life time, but those little ones will ALWAYS be close in my heart.

~Recognizing and accepting when you hit a wall, doing what you need to do to move past it, even if that means you have to sit and stare at it for a while.

I've hit my share of physical and mental walls since I have been in Africa. I learned it was possible to puke and cry at the same time. By Day 2, hour 19 of a 3 day hike I wanted to find something, anything to sit on and find a way down the last mountain of the day that involved anything but walking. After seeing 9 kids with raw real fear in their eyes get beaten with a metal rod by their teacher for incorrect test answers, I had to leave the classroom and cry for an hour. And just like everyone else around the world I've had days where I wanted to say "I can't do this". But you press on, for the only way out is through. No matter how long you have to look at the damn wall, or how much hair gets rubbed off, it eventually breaks down. Then you find freedom, and become that much more REAL.

~Embracing people and cultures for their differences, rather than judging them.

It's much easier sometime to judge from afar than to actually get to know someone and discover who they truly are. The beautiful thing about the world is that no two people are alike- if we were we wouldent need each other. It can also be frustrating, difficult, and require patients. But once you begin to accept differences, rather than resist, a collaboration manifests into something marvelous and greater than yourself.


~Having feelings so strong it's painful.

Joy, happiness, anger, fear, gratitude. Letting yourself feel, rather than ignore and go numb, creates a REAL and beautiful heart. And usually the more it hurts, the more important it is to feel.

~Most importantly, loving and accepting yourself just as you are so you can unconditionally love and accept others.

You cannot fully love someone else until you love yourself. no matter how shabby you are or loose or eye balls may be, show compassion for yourself and your love will shine through to everyone else.

One of my favorite quotes is "be yourself in this world, everyone else is already taken." so be yourself with love, be different, it makes you REAL.



Tomorrow i begin my next journey traveling a week through the garden route in South Africa, then up to Zimbabwe, Botswana, and Zambia to continue keeping it real!


Xoxoxoox

10 Universal Kid Things

In the past five weeks I've spent in Africa, most of my time has been with children. So much so that I will probably need a re-introduction on how to socialize with those over the age of 7.

Here in South Africa I've been on project at an orphanage, an educare center (nursery), a kindergarten, and gotten a glimpse into an elementary school. Both on and off project I have noticed habits, quirks, and enthusiasm in the kids here that I have seen in kids back home and in other parts of the world.

Here we go:

1. It's always way cooler to pee outside than in the bathroom. Weather it's behind a tree or out in the open field, dropping your pants outdoors blows peeing in a toilet out of the water.

2. Trading at the lunch table-Someone else's snack is ALWAYS better than yours.

3. Eating candy, coloring, pissing off the chior ladies, making faces at the lady in the pew behind you- ANYTHING is better than sitting still in church.

4. All songs sound best when shouted as loudly as possible and sung as fast as you can, while spinning around in circles.

5. Leg hair, facial hair, gray hair- all fascinating and quickly pointed out.

6. Non-edible food is the best kind to eat, especially when you are daring a friend to do it.

7. Kids are quick to join in the trouble, but even quicker to sell you out when "who did it?" time rolls around. Every rascal for themselves.

8. Poop and all humor surrounding it is hallarious in any language.*

* This one, while annoying, is also a good humbling reminder that whenever you start to think your better or more worthy than someone- at the end of the day- everybody poops.

9. "No" in any language is enough to make up the vocabulary of a two year old.

10. You can teach them how to cover their mouths and their noses as much as you want- your still going to get sneezed on.



Sending the LOVE from south africa!

Xoxoxo