Long time no talk blog world! I'm Back for a hot minute of inspiration.
SO I'm about to embark on a new life adventure that is leading me to move to New Orleans in two weeks, and I couldn't be more excited. I'm happier than happy, in love, and ready to jump in with my whole heart into this new adventure! (gross, I know, but even if your thinking "gag me" keep reading)
BUT, as you know, things haven't always been this way. I spent some quality time at the extreme opposite. As I get ready to head out into this new journey I got to thinking about the different phases, cycles, and seasons we all go through throughout our life. Im a kinesthetic learner and could most easily relate these phases to the simple daily motions walking, running, and jumping (or at least in my head they do). Here is my thoughts on these phases and parallels. Obviously, they don't always happen in this exact order, and sometimes we spend more time in one than another. Never the less here is what I have learned:
First, walking. Its slow, time consuming, tedious, and only an olympic sport when you put "power" in front of it. Mentally and emotionally its the phase where your usually frustrated, feel "stuck", unhappy (or worse, indifferent), afraid, alone, insignificant, the list can go on. You find yourself in a place with zero self love, a whole lot of hate for your life, and then some more dislike for yourself more when things aren't changing. Then you feel alone, and being alone with someone you hate sucks. Vicious cycle. This "walking" is when you are coming from a mindset of scarcity, a place of "I am not enough".
I have spent a good chunk of time coming from a place of "I am not enough". It's an ugly place to come from. I was 100% convinced that anything you put in front of "enough" (skinny, pretty, smart, doing, being, happy, important) I was definitely not. And believe me, constantly thinking and convincing yourself that you have something to prove to others to be loved is exhausting. And totally not productive. And a lie. But between our "we need more" culture, the media that puts supermodels and billionaires on pedestals, and our own stubborn minds, its an easy place to get stuck.
The key to finding your way out is cultivating a shift in your mind to "I am enough", just as you are, no matter where you are, where you have been, or where your going. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Say it over and over and over again, until you start to believe it. Radical self acceptance. woah.
You can start small. Start with a list. What do you love about your life? What do you love about yourself? What do you love about what you do? That takes the focus off the negative and starts the shift into positivity. Then focus on those things, and do them. A lot. Live them, be them, and continue to love them.
The greatest lesson I have learned from this is that your sense of love and belonging can NVER be greater than your self acceptance. You must love yourself, before you can fully love others. Once you plant that seed, you begin to work your way out of the dark place and into the light.
Running. Physically running is not my forte, Ill take some down dogs over a jog any day, but I'm working on it. From my limited running knowledge and physics 101 I do know that from walk to jog, jog to run, run to sprint, you gain momentum. Its not instant, its gradual. Just like self acceptance: you get the concept, you know you have to love yourself, but old habits die hard. The reality is you're not going to wake up one morning and all of a sudden love everything about yourself, just like you wouldn't go from being sedentary to sprinting a 4 second 40. Good things take time.
When you get to the point where your able to start to gain speed, you have reached the point in which you are able to let yourself feel vulnerable. Before I go any further, Id like to reiterate that being vulnerable is NOT weak. As the dictionary defines vulnerable means open to attack or damage. Weak is inability to withstand attack or damage. Big difference.
Your learning to show your mess. All that ugly stuff that you were trying to hide but still lugged around with you back when you were walking, is a lot harder to hold on to once you've gained some speed. When you open up to vulnerability, you also open yourself up to "be seen". You have to let people see your mess, all of it, to let it go.
During my most recent Yoga Teacher Training I realized this was something I had an extremely hard time with. I liked people to see the "I have my shit together, I'm happy, I'm brave cupcake Chelsea", not messy Chelsea. Not the Chelsea that still "angry, fearful of the unknown, that has stuff buried deep down and doesn't want anyone to know about" Chelsea. Why? Because I was clinging to the thought that no one would want to see that side of me. But what I learned is that when you hold back your mess, you hold the rest of yourself back too. And getting in your own way is pretty counter productive. Especially when your trying to get your sprint on. So, First step: start to love your mess. You'r mess makes you who you are. If people can't love you and your mess, let them go, because plenty of others will. Then, when you are able to show up "all in" and let yourself be seen, others will do the same.
Breaking down that barrier between resistance and vulnerability creates connection. Berne Brown's definition of "connection" is my favorite thus far- "Connection is the energy created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued. When we can give and receive without judgement." You can get your sense of belonging now from within and without. You can whole-heartedly give and receive love equally.
Once You've waved your mess flag, owned it, seen others, connected with them, and been able to cultivate whole-hearted love, your ready to jump.
Physically you can jump off the ground, off a diving board, out of trees, out of planes, endless opportunities and creative interpretations. Mentally, its the place where you have enough stability and momentum you can finally catch some air.
The last time I took a big jump was this time last year when I headed off to Africa. I jumped out of love for myself, my family, and my well-being. And I wouldn't be putting it all out there if I said fear played no part in it. It totally did.
Jumping in any setting is scary, exciting, adrenaline rushing, and takes courage. Its a risk, and by the time we are ready to jump we should 100% vulnerable and 100% coming from a place of being enough. Obviously, we are human and out thoughts can change rapidly and can get out of these positive places WAY quicker than it took us to finally get to them, BUT we now have the tools to get us back. We've got love for ourselves, love for others, connection, and hands to catch us.
In life we make decisions out of fear, or out of love. I've done a lot of both. When we jump out of fear, were not ready- we are still coming from a place of "not enough". And then typically we end up back where we started, walking, or even crawling. When we jump out of and with love, we are set free. Fear destructs, love liberates. Fear destructs, LOVE liberates. Jump from a place of love, and anything becomes possible.
I've had to do some walking, running, jogging, walking again, and then a sprint, NOW Its time for me to jump again. I can confidently say that I am ready to look uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risks in the eye grounded in that "I am enough". I hope that when the time is right, YOU can do the same.
I'm ready and out-of-this-world excited to jump with loads of love from the East Coast over to the Gulf coast!
xoxoxo
Chels
