Once upon a time (time being about this same time last year) shit (shit being my life, emotional state, my sanity in general) hit the fan. SPLAT. A series of events happened that rocked my world in a way I DID NOT want or expect it to be rocked.
After many tears, vicious attacks on the punching bag, and about three months consuming more booze than age appropriate, I said to myself “I need to get the fuck out of here”. So I did. And “the fuck out of here” happened to be Africa. I left with the mission to run away. I came back knowing I don’t have to.
Many have asked what I learned while I was away, and its taken me up until just about now to fully digest everything. Im still unraveling the tangled up web of knowledge and self-realizations I accumulated over my three months away. This whole past year has been a HUGE learning process. A painful, joyful, courageous (but sometimes stupid), life changing learning process. And with gratitude, I can look back on it now with a smile.
Here are some thoughts on what I have learned, and continue to learn, happily ever after......
1.Faith- Faith in God, Faith in others, Faith in myself, Faith in Possibility.
In my last 72 hours in Africa I had all of my shower belongings stolen, luggage lost, and debit card eaten the morning I was to fly out of Cape Town. I had no phone and no cash to get to the air port. I had two options- flip shit and cry hysterically, or let go and give it up to God. I chose option one for about 5 minutes, but then realized that really wasn't worth my time, energy, or strange looks from people passing on the street. SO I took a few deep breaths, pulled myself together, and said a little (er...Really BIG) prayer. And low and behold, it worked. One Facebook message to fellow Charlestonians I had met along the way in my travels (shout out to the Grava Brothers) and not only did I have a ride to the airport, but also a yoga class and a kick ass pre-flight dinner at Haout Bay market.
I got on that plane down to baby wipes and dry shampoo and dirtier than ever, but undoubtedly with more faith then ever. There were countless moments on my trip where I felt stronger and closer to God. When you give up struggle and open up to trust and possibility is when the sweetness of life can happen. Give up the fight, surrender it up to Faith, and trust anything is possible.
2. Serenity - its better than insanity
As Albert Einstein so wisely defined: “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” So the whole “If you ignore and stuff down your problems and feelings they go away” thing doesn't actually work. It makes you crazy. For me, each time I experienced something I didn't like, I would often try to ignore it- pretend it didn't happen, with the expectation I would no longer have to feel hurt or pain. Heads up, it did happen. And was going to face it eventually. No matter where I tried to hide from it, it comes came with me.
We all have a little insanity in us- an addiction, a bad relationship, negative self- sabotaging thoughts, jobs we hate, bad habits. The trick is to balance in its opposite: serenity- Changing what you can and ACCEPTING what you cant. Sounds simple, and essentially it is. its the resistance (punching, kicking, fighting, epic battle) to get to the point of surrender thats the bitch. But as I have learned, and not the easy way, serenity is a much better place to be.
3.Courage- to be both brave, and humble.
I found my self seeking out adrenaline rushing adventure in countless ways in Africa- most of that was not courageous, just stupid.
Courage came into play when both my feet were on the ground, not in a cage with sharks, or flipping off a raft into the Zambezi rapids. Courage was when I had to say good bye to my kiddos at the nursery, ACJ, and the orphanage. It was when I smile through my tears and say “See you Monday” even though I wouldn't. Courage to let people see me at my most vulnerable. Courage to have last nights dinner come out both ends and cry all at the same time. And humble enough to laugh about it later. It came dead exhausted at the end of the day wanting nothing more than my bed and shower at home, but appreciating my pillow-less sleeping bag instead. Courage to own my mistakes. Humble to embrace my flaws and imperfections.
Mary Anne Radmacher said it best: “Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”
4.Confidence
Had I traveled without confidence, I would not have made it past my layover in Amsterdam. I had traveled by myself before, but never to this extent. I had some confidence in my abilities, but throughout my time gained a WHOLE lot more. At the end of my travels along the garden route, gearing up to meet up with my overland trip, I realized I needed my yellow fever shot to get back into South Africa to fly home. And I didn’t have it. Oops? Oh, and I had 3 hours to get one before my flight to Johannesburg. Even bigger oops. After stopping at 3 different doctors offices and being turned away, I thought I was toast. Stuck in Zambia forever toast. But I didn't give up. I hopped in a cab, navigated the driver to the English speaking hospital I googled, walked in, got my shot, and then politely asked the driver to haul ass to the airport.
Traveling solo you can only rely on yourself. It is a true test of how you can operate as an individual and brings out what you are truly capable of. For that reason alone, I encourage every one to do it. Blow your own damn mind, and make yourself proud. I sure did.
and MOST importantly......
5. Everything will be OK in the end. And if its not OK, its not the end.
No matter how many times or how much shit hits the fan, there will some way, some how, be a happily ever after.
Love,
Chels
