Monday, November 26, 2012
"... And Grace will lead me home"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KofP8dpADwM&feature=youtube_gdata_player
When I left home I was one pissed off little girl. I felt resentment towards both myself and others, and had lost sight of the light and joy that lies within. I admit (ugh here it comes, I'm being so honest right now) a major motive for this trip was to get away. I tried very hard to convince myself otherwise, but the truth is I felt anger and sadness within me that I wanted to run away from as fast as I could in the opposite direction ( Opposite hemisphere and 7,000 miles away looked like a good spot).
But the funny thing about tying to run away is, it dosent really work. You can run away from things physically, but your emotions and true feelings come right along with you.
But here I am 9 weeks and many many adventures later, I'm no longer running away. I am home.
I've let myself feel the pain and anger that I needed to, and from that has come an incredible, abundant, explosive, feeling of joy and love once again. I feel at home again with myself and with my heart.
My favorite verse from my favorite hymn goes like this:
"Through many dangers, toils and snares I have already come; 'Tis GRACE that brought be safe thus far and GRACE will lead me home"
Grace has led me back home even in opposite hemispheres and 7,000 miles away.
While many people have told me I am out changing the world, the world is actually changing me.
Xoxoxoox
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Birthday Blessings
Today, November 22nd is my own personal new years. I get to say farewell to 23 and welcome in 24. It amazes me how time flies and this past year seems to have passed in the blink of an eye.
Ive spent the past few days traveling by myself down the beautiful Garden Route in South Africa and in so had the chance to do some reflecting on this past year, and what a year it has been. With Thanksgiving in mind and reflecting in gratitude, I've come up with countless blessings I have been graced with this year. And while i could list on and on, I will share 23 of them with you to stay in the birthday spirit theme.
This year I have been blessed with :
1. First and foremost, my family- and a new appreciation for the strength, struggles, support, and love that weaves us all together. My family has grown together this year in ways that I never could have imagined. And while the process may not have always been pretty or easy, it has yielded stronger new relationships through grace and love for each other.
2. TWO ridiculously great rescue dogs- Max and Putter.
3. Old friendships with new meanings. Saying I have incredible friends would be an injustice and understatement- I cannot express in words how truly amazing you people are! Many of us went through some serious life changing things this year, everything from heartbreaking to overjoying things. Through all we have found courage, strength, hope, and more love than ever within each other.
4. Easter with the Sewards, my second family. Some of my most favorite people in the world, and they have a kick ass Easter bunny.
5. Watching two of my best friends get married. Macon got hitched!
6. Monday mornings at Mitchell Elementary school with my Yoga Kidz.
7. Being in love.
8. Having my best friends all under one roof for an entire weekend. And along with that came 3 days of laughing so hard my stomach hurt.
9. Ringing in the new year on the beach with friends and loads of sparklers.
10. A day biking on Kiawah island with my mom, finding undiscovered beaches that go on forever.
11. ALOT of meals from the Whole Foods hot bar, and a great friend Arend there
12. Vegas.....ok, maybe that's not a "blessing" but it sure as hell was fun.
13. Two days with my dad, who I hadent seen in a year and a half.
14. Working with the Green Heart Project- spending time with my favorite kids and learning a thing or two about plants.
15. 8 weeks in Nomzamo township with incredible people, children, and love. One of the hardest goodbyes I've had to say, but how fortunate I had the chance to say hello.
16. Christmas Day with Zak. Nothing screams "happy birthday Jesus" like a cheesy Tom Cruise flick and red curry.
17. A birthday serenade at 12:00 from a group of strangers turned friends.
18. Happiness, and a smile to show it.
19. Traveling through South Africa. Both solo and with strangers turned friends. An experience like nothing before, and unique to anything to come.
20. An afternoon in Amsterdam. short time- big learning.
21. An open heart to see and feel with.
22. A completely by chance run in with familiar face in a random hostel 7,000 miles away from home... And getting to celebrate my birthday and Thanksgiving with them!
23. Insight into a new culture. It is
the spirit of ubuntu that lives and thrives in South Africa, in particular the Xhosa culture, the culture that Nelson Mandela is from and the one I will have been able to experience for 3 months. 'Ubuntu' is the spirit of giving, of caring.. it means 'I am who I am because of who we all are'
Annnnnnnd one for good luck
24.TIME. Another year of life, what a gift. An opprotunity to continue to live BIG and make every day my masterpiece.
Sending SO much love to you all today and always!
In gratitude,
Chels
Ive spent the past few days traveling by myself down the beautiful Garden Route in South Africa and in so had the chance to do some reflecting on this past year, and what a year it has been. With Thanksgiving in mind and reflecting in gratitude, I've come up with countless blessings I have been graced with this year. And while i could list on and on, I will share 23 of them with you to stay in the birthday spirit theme.
This year I have been blessed with :
1. First and foremost, my family- and a new appreciation for the strength, struggles, support, and love that weaves us all together. My family has grown together this year in ways that I never could have imagined. And while the process may not have always been pretty or easy, it has yielded stronger new relationships through grace and love for each other.
2. TWO ridiculously great rescue dogs- Max and Putter.
3. Old friendships with new meanings. Saying I have incredible friends would be an injustice and understatement- I cannot express in words how truly amazing you people are! Many of us went through some serious life changing things this year, everything from heartbreaking to overjoying things. Through all we have found courage, strength, hope, and more love than ever within each other.
4. Easter with the Sewards, my second family. Some of my most favorite people in the world, and they have a kick ass Easter bunny.
5. Watching two of my best friends get married. Macon got hitched!
6. Monday mornings at Mitchell Elementary school with my Yoga Kidz.
7. Being in love.
8. Having my best friends all under one roof for an entire weekend. And along with that came 3 days of laughing so hard my stomach hurt.
9. Ringing in the new year on the beach with friends and loads of sparklers.
10. A day biking on Kiawah island with my mom, finding undiscovered beaches that go on forever.
11. ALOT of meals from the Whole Foods hot bar, and a great friend Arend there
12. Vegas.....ok, maybe that's not a "blessing" but it sure as hell was fun.
13. Two days with my dad, who I hadent seen in a year and a half.
14. Working with the Green Heart Project- spending time with my favorite kids and learning a thing or two about plants.
15. 8 weeks in Nomzamo township with incredible people, children, and love. One of the hardest goodbyes I've had to say, but how fortunate I had the chance to say hello.
16. Christmas Day with Zak. Nothing screams "happy birthday Jesus" like a cheesy Tom Cruise flick and red curry.
17. A birthday serenade at 12:00 from a group of strangers turned friends.
18. Happiness, and a smile to show it.
19. Traveling through South Africa. Both solo and with strangers turned friends. An experience like nothing before, and unique to anything to come.
20. An afternoon in Amsterdam. short time- big learning.
21. An open heart to see and feel with.
22. A completely by chance run in with familiar face in a random hostel 7,000 miles away from home... And getting to celebrate my birthday and Thanksgiving with them!
23. Insight into a new culture. It is
the spirit of ubuntu that lives and thrives in South Africa, in particular the Xhosa culture, the culture that Nelson Mandela is from and the one I will have been able to experience for 3 months. 'Ubuntu' is the spirit of giving, of caring.. it means 'I am who I am because of who we all are'
Annnnnnnd one for good luck
24.TIME. Another year of life, what a gift. An opprotunity to continue to live BIG and make every day my masterpiece.
Sending SO much love to you all today and always!
In gratitude,
Chels
Friday, November 16, 2012
What is REAL?
"What is REAL?" asked the Velveteen Rabbit one day... "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.
-the Velveteen Rabbit
I am lucky to have a lot of very real people in my life. I too have found myself balding and shabby, and losing an eyeball every now and then.
Since I have been in Africa, shit has been "real". I've seen, experienced, and felt things that have made me keenly aware of the "real-ness" within both myself and others.
Here is a collection of my thoughts on a few things that make us, and have made me REAL:
~Having to say goodbye before your ready.
Can be to a person, a place, a habit, a part of your life. No matter what- it's hard.
Today was my last day on project. I don't think that I will ever be ready to say goodbye to the incredible children I have met and worked with along m journey in Nomzamo. Tears streamed down my face (and they are now) as I tried to explain to the nursery kids that I would not be back on Monday because I had to go on an airplane. After giving them a smooch on the forehead and a hug, all 53 waved goodbye.
Like with all goodbyes, it may mean that you never meet again in this life time, but those little ones will ALWAYS be close in my heart.
~Recognizing and accepting when you hit a wall, doing what you need to do to move past it, even if that means you have to sit and stare at it for a while.
I've hit my share of physical and mental walls since I have been in Africa. I learned it was possible to puke and cry at the same time. By Day 2, hour 19 of a 3 day hike I wanted to find something, anything to sit on and find a way down the last mountain of the day that involved anything but walking. After seeing 9 kids with raw real fear in their eyes get beaten with a metal rod by their teacher for incorrect test answers, I had to leave the classroom and cry for an hour. And just like everyone else around the world I've had days where I wanted to say "I can't do this". But you press on, for the only way out is through. No matter how long you have to look at the damn wall, or how much hair gets rubbed off, it eventually breaks down. Then you find freedom, and become that much more REAL.
~Embracing people and cultures for their differences, rather than judging them.
It's much easier sometime to judge from afar than to actually get to know someone and discover who they truly are. The beautiful thing about the world is that no two people are alike- if we were we wouldent need each other. It can also be frustrating, difficult, and require patients. But once you begin to accept differences, rather than resist, a collaboration manifests into something marvelous and greater than yourself.
~Having feelings so strong it's painful.
Joy, happiness, anger, fear, gratitude. Letting yourself feel, rather than ignore and go numb, creates a REAL and beautiful heart. And usually the more it hurts, the more important it is to feel.
~Most importantly, loving and accepting yourself just as you are so you can unconditionally love and accept others.
You cannot fully love someone else until you love yourself. no matter how shabby you are or loose or eye balls may be, show compassion for yourself and your love will shine through to everyone else.
One of my favorite quotes is "be yourself in this world, everyone else is already taken." so be yourself with love, be different, it makes you REAL.
Tomorrow i begin my next journey traveling a week through the garden route in South Africa, then up to Zimbabwe, Botswana, and Zambia to continue keeping it real!
Xoxoxoox
"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When [someone] loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."
"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.
"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt."
"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.
"Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand... once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always.
-the Velveteen Rabbit
I am lucky to have a lot of very real people in my life. I too have found myself balding and shabby, and losing an eyeball every now and then.
Since I have been in Africa, shit has been "real". I've seen, experienced, and felt things that have made me keenly aware of the "real-ness" within both myself and others.
Here is a collection of my thoughts on a few things that make us, and have made me REAL:
~Having to say goodbye before your ready.
Can be to a person, a place, a habit, a part of your life. No matter what- it's hard.
Today was my last day on project. I don't think that I will ever be ready to say goodbye to the incredible children I have met and worked with along m journey in Nomzamo. Tears streamed down my face (and they are now) as I tried to explain to the nursery kids that I would not be back on Monday because I had to go on an airplane. After giving them a smooch on the forehead and a hug, all 53 waved goodbye.
Like with all goodbyes, it may mean that you never meet again in this life time, but those little ones will ALWAYS be close in my heart.
~Recognizing and accepting when you hit a wall, doing what you need to do to move past it, even if that means you have to sit and stare at it for a while.
I've hit my share of physical and mental walls since I have been in Africa. I learned it was possible to puke and cry at the same time. By Day 2, hour 19 of a 3 day hike I wanted to find something, anything to sit on and find a way down the last mountain of the day that involved anything but walking. After seeing 9 kids with raw real fear in their eyes get beaten with a metal rod by their teacher for incorrect test answers, I had to leave the classroom and cry for an hour. And just like everyone else around the world I've had days where I wanted to say "I can't do this". But you press on, for the only way out is through. No matter how long you have to look at the damn wall, or how much hair gets rubbed off, it eventually breaks down. Then you find freedom, and become that much more REAL.
~Embracing people and cultures for their differences, rather than judging them.
It's much easier sometime to judge from afar than to actually get to know someone and discover who they truly are. The beautiful thing about the world is that no two people are alike- if we were we wouldent need each other. It can also be frustrating, difficult, and require patients. But once you begin to accept differences, rather than resist, a collaboration manifests into something marvelous and greater than yourself.
~Having feelings so strong it's painful.
Joy, happiness, anger, fear, gratitude. Letting yourself feel, rather than ignore and go numb, creates a REAL and beautiful heart. And usually the more it hurts, the more important it is to feel.
~Most importantly, loving and accepting yourself just as you are so you can unconditionally love and accept others.
You cannot fully love someone else until you love yourself. no matter how shabby you are or loose or eye balls may be, show compassion for yourself and your love will shine through to everyone else.
One of my favorite quotes is "be yourself in this world, everyone else is already taken." so be yourself with love, be different, it makes you REAL.
Tomorrow i begin my next journey traveling a week through the garden route in South Africa, then up to Zimbabwe, Botswana, and Zambia to continue keeping it real!
Xoxoxoox
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